Silence
by MookieRoo
Summary: What is silence? It's a word, the worst of all for this moment. It's an abstract idea, a concept; eventually, a contradiction, a hoax... just an appearance. Jade debates with herself over the lose of a dear friend. VERSION ESPAÑOL TAMBIÉN DISPONIBLE EN MI PERFIL.


**Disclaimer: Victorious and it's characters belong to its original owners. No money is being made from this story.**

**A/N Before you begin reading I wanted to clarify, to avoid any confusion, that I write this with Jade's POV, as I mention this very far into the story. Enjoy.**

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_Silence_...

…What is silence?

I close my eyes... _Silence doesn't exist_.

It's a word, the worst of all for this moment. It's an abstract idea, a concept; eventually, a contradiction, a hoax... just an appearance.

The world around me is far from silent. I listen to each of their heavy breathing, how the air enters as a sigh, sometimes two, and out of their mouths with a whimper. I imagine the tears rolling down their faces to slip from their skin and fall in an apparent silence, but I hear them impacting against their black clothes.

I audibly gulped helplessly, it's just that in times like this is the only way to calm your body from that need to pass that which you got stuck in your throat, I can feel every single move my tongue makes; it waves down on the floor of my mouth, taking that watery substance which it will push down my throat when it touches my palate and yet, it doesn't go away, that thing that bothers me, it's still there, the discomfort doesn't go away.

I still have my eyes closed, invoking the silence that fails to appear, I want it and the supposed peace it should bring, but it won't come. Silence doesn't exist.

The nature in the background is not silent, is clear and loud. The breeze passing through the leaves of the trees making them whisper, I want them to shut up, I want to forget, but their sound is getting stronger and it is unbearable. I can distinguish the distant chants and fluttering of birds, a contradiction; they sing, chirp, go and come, they are alive, ignorant of the morbid situation. Their singing will never sound like death and yet that is what brings us here today.

I squeeze my eyes to keep them closed, begging to the silence to make its presence and I realize that the expression of my face is screaming hard my despair; the skin of my forehead stretched, changing my eyebrows position, the space between them is bulging, my eyelids are wrinkly and my cheeks are pushing slightly up; all the tension in mi skin alerts me that it is time to return to reality.

The light reenters my eyes, hurting them by an instant as my pupils contract and settle the brightness of the place; another contradiction. This should be a black, rainy, dreary and cold day and here we are all accompanied by the bright sun, looking at that wooden box that contains her, being lowered into a tunnel with no way out...

...It's a trap.

"Cat, come out of there, please!"

I feel my tears finally leaving me, my bleary eyes prevent me from seeing the faces of our friends while they embrace each other, I see only shadows, masses of black clad bodies uniting, be one in the pain. It's real, and you're no longer here.

Some men rashly and hastily begin to fill that hole with soil, while your mom yells for you; your dad hugs her to avoid her from jumping into your tomb, containing his own pain.

I can't do this anymore, I must get out of here. What right do I have to suffer more than them, you were their lives, their daughter, their deepest love.

I walk rapidly, I feel like I'm suffocating, I need air, in this open field where space abounds, I need more air; I can't breathe, I can't... I can't leave you here.

I stop and fall on the paved road trying to get together what little is left of my life.

My tears double as I get back the rhythm of my breathing. Tori's hand holds me by the neck and again I lose myself in my agony, is hers as well; Cat left. We both remain there, finding mutual comfort without exchanging a word, wrapped in pain, in sorrow, but never in silence.

Andre and Beck help us get up, separating every inch of our sudden link until only our pinkies keep us together. I don't want to let her go, I won't part from Tori; she is the only one who understands me. Cat loved us both. Her best friend and her girlfriend finally finding a reason to stop the bickering, something that Cat fought for so long, it's now found a small gesture; two fingers intertwined as if life depended on it.

"Come on, I'll take you home," Beck says, I simply nod while our connection is lost with out me being able to look back at her; I just want to get into the silence of my house and lay in my bed, I want to hug the purple giraffe that rests on my pillow and cease to exist.

The road is quiet, our lips are reluctant to make a sound, I must say I appreciate his silence; the radio starts playing a familiar melody, one of Cat's favorites. Beck's first instinct is to turn off the music, another gesture that I appreciate; it will be a long time until I can or want to hear anything but silence.

"Are you sure you want to be alone?" My boyfriend asks concerned.

"Yeah, don't worry and thanks for the ride," I answer as I get out of the car and close the door gently, avoiding more noise. I turn back to him and he shifts his face with a sad look, he starts the engine and heads to his next destination.

I enter my house with heaviness, I go straight to the kitchen for a glass of water and drink it completely, the cold liquid calms my anxiety for a few seconds. I lean against the counter and spot through the window some children playing at a the distance, their vivid screams fill the place and become ghosts of Cat, her voice, her laugh, her playfulness; I don't want to think about the fact that her foolish games will no longer invade my space.

I need to sleep.

I climb the stairs spilling, at each step, drops of another glass full of water, my clumsy hand won't stop shaking. My footsteps echo in this empty house, I take my shoes in the middle of the corridor, nothing matters, I just want to silence the world, find some peace, embrace that stuffed animal that my best friend forgot the last time she slept here... that toy that now Tori hugs desperately crying with her legs curled on my couch.

I place the glass of water on the table next to it and helped her up. She looks at me and takes my hand, closes her eyes and welcomes me into a tight hug, the memory of our connection held between the two of us, its velvety nose stroking our necks. It smells like Cat.

We cry loudly, our complaints finally find an ear that understands. We let the frustration on our shoulders, soaking the dark clothing that accompany us in our mourning. Her grip is strong, mine too, but no pain is could be compared with the departure of the woman that we both loved more than anything in this world.

_I don't want to let her go!_ It's simply that in her arms I find peace, the only one I've had since the accident and... I don't want to lose her, I don't want her to leave with exactly the one thing I have left of my little friend. But like everything, our embrace ends, we part our bodies... she is watching the giraffe still in her hands, for the last

"Cat would've wanted you to have it," she says without looking at me, she doesn't want to leave without it, but she understands that is all I have left. "Sorry if I came without calling and came into your room... I'm sorry, I-"

"Thanks for Mr. Purple… and you don't need to call before dropping by, if you want come and hug it for a while, just do it," I say walking over to my bed and laying down, I have no will for anything else.

"Do you mind if I stay a while and do it now?"

I shake my head with slight movement and I make room for her right next to me, she must be so exhausted, just like I am.

She accommodates and gazes at me, just enough to lose her composure again.

"She is gone Jade… she'll never come back" Tori says between sobs, releasing one string of endless tears.

I put my arm around her and bring her closely to my body pressing our foreheads together in our grief.

"Ssshhh... I know... I know."

Silence doesn't exist; peace in mourning disappears, as sanity and logic do as well. My non-friend, the girlfriend of my best ally in life, is now kissing me without restraint, and I answer the same way, we are our mutual comfort, the only ones that understand that the only thing left now is us. The pain begins to subside, her touch soothes my anguish, her warm skin reminds me I'm still alive. It's sick, but I imagine that her kisses, one day, belonged to Cat and that comforts me, because after all, in this confusing act, we have each other. I'm feeling capable of seeing the end. Silence doesn't exist, but I finally found peace.

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**A/N **This idea has been haunting me for a while now, but it didn't quite fit in the words, I think it could still need more work, but it's not the only thing I have to do and having so many things on my mind doesn't help completing the rest. So I decided to leave it as is.

The song that inspired me this time is: Tether for CHVRCHES if you want to listen to it I'm sure you can find it on YouTube. The lyrics talk of the end, not necessarily as tragic as this, it speaks of farewells and new beginnings. What I like about this song, and something I wanted to convey is that the song starts soft, slow, and there is a moment of slight musical silence before fully changing into an uninhibited and crazy pace, is the moment that you feel that you can see ahead, you can see something beyond the pain and anguish. I hope did it, but feel free to whip me with a review saying something like: go to study carpentry or something, you will starve as an amateur writer.

Thanks for reading. BYE!


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